Sometimes cleaning the “Squirrel-Buster®” bird feeder is about the best thing to do toward the end of a month that has steadily pushed you into a murky corner of existential nihilism. 15 minutes ago I could say that better, but then I went off and left my computer and came back to find a string of nonsense characters instead of the well-crafted first two paragraphs of an unsaved document. There was no retrieving it. I did not see a cat nearby. I have no explanation, but that’s the sort of life that, at its worst, feeds the above-referenced existential nihilism.
It is no wonder that the bird feeder needed, for the first time in a year point five, a thorough cleaning. Perky green domed roof or not, it would be a rare feeder which could withstand the monsoon which has pummeled the Mid-Atlantic in the past week and a half. Chickadees could only get to the occasional millet seed which filtered through the gluey glom of fused sunflower hulls. The feeder is drying in the basement. I’m letting my little inner bad philosopher diffuse on the front porch.
Fall, the season when everything dies, might be just the non-contrary counterpoint that will keep my mood and bird feeders unclogged. Because here’s a brief synopsis: I live with dying things. My dog is twelve and has bad legs. My old cat is in remission from a fibrosarcoma which almost promises to return. My other old cat is on palliative treatment wherein she gets as many bad-for-you steroid shots as she needs to keep her crazy itchy self comfortable. My life partner is experiencing some disturbing downsteps in his tango with the long goodbye. And yesterday, instead of the usual postcard stating that the spot the dermatologist sliced off during a recent “body check” was no big deal, I got a voicemail. You just don’t want voicemails when you expected a postcard.
I thought having green skin was my get out of jail (or serious dermatological trouble) free card. Only pink people are supposed to have this stuff. But, wouldn’t you know it, my olive-complected ancestors apparently dropped the ball on this one and it was snagged by my sun-vulnerable Nordic stock. Thanks Eric the Red, I owe you one. The freaky thing is that the melanoma-in-situ just zapped off my right arm did not appear all ugly and alien and dark like the pictures they show you on Google. It was merely one more splotch in the multi-splotch of freckly pigment I am pretty much covered with. It only looked slightly splotchier, and that’s what got my attention. I guess that probably suggests a comforting superficiality, but it also reinforces that the dermatologist will now be one of my best and most regularly visited friends so that any future attempts by my skin to turn against me can likewise be nipped in the easily-removable bud.
So, it turns out mortality is the rule around here, whether you are a mammal or a bird feeder. However, I still have some furniture to move so I’m going inside now. Gabe is giving up his downstairs bedroom to the call of one-level caregiving. I will figure out where to reinstall him later, before he comes home for Fall break.
6 comments:
Yikes.
I know. I'm like what?
This has been quite a week for you, hasn't it? A hurricane and an earthquake in the same week. I hope that you and your family are well. I am hoping that your skin issue was a "one-off" as our British friends like to say.
I have some conferences in Texas now, and am suffering through a draught. It is very hot, about 43 degrees every day. I talked to some local people who looked like an addict in withdrawal when they saw all of the rain the East Coast received.
Tried to have a meeting with the Texas governor like my Baltic colleague did in July, but he is out of the state running for President. It never hurts to make these types of connections before they win.
By the way, I think that getting some home care help for Jeff is a wise move for you. I hope that you will be able to use that time to find people and activities that renew your energy.
Whether or not you meet the Texas Governor, it is my hope that his Presidential aspirations are not realized.
; )
I met the Governor in 2003, but that is not so unusual as politicians are professional people meeters, and since I do some consulting with various leaders, I meet many from time to time. The 2003 meeting was very brief and very superficial.
I don't know what you thought of the last Texas governor to enter the White House, but I think he is the better of the two. Bush and Clinton both have a warmth about them that I don't see in either the governor or the current president.
I grow less politically ideological as I age, and focus more on the person. Much of the positions expressed by a candidate are not necessarily the fruit of their own convictions. Much of their positions are relatively meaningless because in most forms of government, you are only as successful as your ability to build a coalition. Your current president knows this and believes this, but lacks the personal skills to move your country in the direction he desires.
Sorry for the political treatise. Many of the Americans I am talking to on this trip are not happy with what they have, and they are not ecstatic by their "other options".
I guess if I had occasion to meet them I might focus more on the person as well. In the case of Obama (and in almost all cases where I cast a vote, in fact,) I tend to vote for direction...in other words, who seems most likely to push in what I think of as the "right" direction?
Hence, I am not so put off by a cool facade or impressed by good people skills. I also am probably more forgiving of a persona that may strike many as aloof. Most likely because I'm very aware (pointing at self) that "aloof" is a perception others have about you, not a truth about a person's heart.
I can understand though, how in politics, skill at buddying up and forming cabals moves things. Thank goodness I'm not a politician.
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