I’ve had the sort of day where you wonder--complete with chronic visceral special effects--whether there’s any possible way you’re up to the job of discharging your obvious obligation for the length of years it appears it will take.
I hate that thing where someone has a need so evident that it practically palpates the atmosphere, seeking it-does-not-even-know-what, and you know that it is your cosmic role to be the need-meeter, but you can’t because you’re hopelessly ill-suited to the position, and--on top of that--you’re a really bad faker. And, additionally on top of--or shall we say below--that: forget your own needs because there’s absolutely no way in heck they’re going to get met, so you might as well recognize them right now as wants, not needs. And stop being such a wuss. Gads. Do you need a smack, or what?
What else? I’m digging deeper into the concept of Gabe: The Post-High School Years. Oh, and there’s another need where what I have to offer may be ridiculously inadequate, because--frankly--there may not be a place in society for just everyone, of just every disposition. But it’s still my job to find the place, even if it doesn’t exist. Because a person cannot a)live in the computer room forever watching animes and online episodes of The Office, or b)be booted into the street prematurely. Hence, there must be something else that will work, even if there isn’t. And I pretty much have to find it.
Most likely, some people--present company included--ought to just relax. Even if they’re constitutionally unable, and weenies to boot.
Oh yes, I’m reading the Title 9 Sports catalog again, wherein the “real people” models appear with little bio snippets under their action shots such as: Jean-Anne--Occupation: College Professor, Hobby: Round-the-world sailing, special accomplishment: Following my heart. But then you have to wonder how her heart got so smart.
1 comment:
Well, maybe it's more age than situation, because I also wonder on a DAILY basis whether (physically or emotionally) I'll be up to the task of raising my most junior obligation with all the peripheral factors required such as earning a living for said obligation, etc. Of course, I pretty much know precisely how long this obligation will, minimally, require having gone down this road before, before, before, before, but when you actually take the mental energy to add up the years and think, "By then I'll be X years old," it can get awfully overwhelming.
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