Oktobersmalltalking

It’s a great Oktoberfest. Our neighbors, 3 doors down, host it every couple of years, and do a phenomenal job of it at that. Yesterday I felt more than ever like I was reconnecting with people whom I’d almost completely lost contact with as our children have grown and done their own things--no more swim team, no scouts, no school activity gatherings--and we’re missing the socializing that such regimented schedules forced us into.

One person-whom-I-never-see characterized this time in our lives as “weird.” Things begin, more than before, to change in ways that we knew might be coming but didn’t really have to think about before.

And this is what I noticed--that there’s much that goes unsaid at a social gathering of this sort. Maybe, 10 years before, most of what impacted our lives in turning-point ways were things that were easy to throw out in casual conversation--I’m expecting my 3rd kid, Frank got a new job, we’re buying a house in Round Bay. Now, a lot of it isn’t that banterable. I wondered just how many people are holding secrets that they won’t so casually toss around. One long-time acquaintance is expecting a 10th child. (I know...wow.) It wasn’t until I saw her interacting with a friend who knows her better that I began to suspect that maybe something about this pregnancy is not as expected. Maybe something you wouldn’t just toss out there at an Oktoberfest. I can’t be the only one presenting a pretty, but slightly inaccurate, picture.

Much of what we talked about went like this: Person to Jeff: “How’s the hardware business?” Jeff: “Actually I’m out. I sold my half to my brother.” Person: “Retired? You lucky dog. Let me shake your hand.” I suppose it’s fortunate that that’s as far as Jeff tends to think of it these days. Sometimes I think that, as far as he can recall, that is all there is to the story. Certainly I would be unlikely to volunteer more. “What’s new with us? You mean besides the degenerative neurocognitive disorder? Not much!” Hardly peppy Oktoberfest banter, and I’m sure that anyone else whose lives hold darker aspects--not known by all--would probably, smile and nod along with the assumption that retirement was a lark and a luxury as I do.