Jeff does not need to be wearing Gabe’s shoes, but he put them on anyway.
Where are you going in Gabe’s shoes? I ask. Because we’re pretty much encamped here in the O.Henry Hotel, Greensboro, NC, for the evening.
Jeff chuckles, sort of. No wonder they didn’t fit right, he says. Then he takes them off and starts rummaging around for his loafers.
Where do you wanna go? I ask.
Jeff asks when we’re going home and I tell him tomorrow, after breakfast. I’m too tired to drive home tonight. And even if we wanted Gabe to drive, he didn’t bring his wallet and license. I told Gabe that he is an adult now and really needs to bring his i.d. with him almost any time he leaves home. He shrugged, ok. Luckily, at a small college like Guilford, where he oriented today, they believed he is who he said he is, and he got his college card i.d. photo taken, and his “quantitative literacy” placement exam completed, all without needing to prove his personhood.
Today was too much for Jeff, there was no doubt. Not that we did much. We had complimentary breakfast buffet, then hied ourselves to the Guilford gymnasium for orientation check in. We sat through some panel talks, walked around the campus a bit (yes, it was steamy...thank goodness for trees,) ate some dining hall lunch, and waited for Gabe to complete his math test. But it was clear, by early afternoon, that Jeff was spinning in circles every time I took his arm as a substitute for a temper tantrum, before faltering into the hunched, glaze-faced shuffle that characterizes Alzheimer victims who are typically more degenerated than he.
I take Jeff on outings almost every day. Usually to Punk’s Backyard Grill or similar for lunch, with a detour for restocking orange juice and bagels. He likes it. I’ve wondered if such simple adventures are enough. Answer: They are.
He will be happier at home the next time I take a road trip. He will be happier at home with me at home, but that’s asking too much. When we got back to the O.Henry this afternoon, I studied the ads for our local “AngelCare Network,” and “Home Instead Senior Care.” I was looking for, and found, the magic words “respite care.” Yes, I hear stories. And yes, I know that you don’t always get just the right fit with home-care helpers, at least not at first. And I honestly swear I don’t know how they make sure the bases are covered if you leave your person home with hired help for 48 or 72 or 96 hours. But I’ll be talking to them. This week, I think. We move Gabe in on August 18. I don’t know whether I’ll take Jeff or not.
5 comments:
It does sound like it's time to get some part-time help. I hope you get somebody nice.
My sister and her husband use respite care for looking after her daughter, Jessica, who has Rhett's syndrome. It is necessary.
Emily, for the past four or so months i have been reading your posts and waiting for the next one to come out. I had to comment to this one as your visit was so near our town on your trip to Greensboro. I want to thank you for your writings, my husband is 56 yrs old and was diagnoised at 52 with EO alz. I tell myself so often that it is not alz. because he does not fit the cookie cutter mold of it. All i have ever known is the dementia end of this horrible condition. i was not aware of the physical disablities that would come also. i see us so much in your writings and realize we are not alone. the support groups i have attended i leave generally feeling more left out of then good. no one has a 56 yr old husband and they all say” are the drs sure it is alz”. Thank you again for blogging to all of us out here that are just getting by day to day !
Emily i left the post on the fisher website but it still says it is waiting moderation. not sure what that is but then i found your blog. we are very close to the same point your are at. so i feel a pain simalar to yours.
Hi Anonymous—do you know of The Alzheimer Spouse message board? There's a lot of useful info and support to be had there. If you haven't joined, have a look:
www.thealzheimerspouse.com.
As for the Fisher website...I don't know why, but I find that the links to blogs there can be pretty sketchy. I haven't been able to access my latest post there through the main website at all, for several days.
Thanks Emily, i did not know about the spouse site. i will look into joining it .
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