One more reason to run a yellow light.

What do other people think of intersection fundraising? The reason I wonder is because of the diverse collection of attitudes that run through my brain every time I’m faced with this type of solicitation--and that’s often nowadays. I’m not even talking about the homeless people with cardboard signs that say “God bless” on them. I’m referring strictly to the kind of folks who usually present in the following way: 5 gallon bucket with a slot in the lid, and some kind of flyer taped to the outside. They usually wear day-glo safety vests, and there are usually several at one intersection, the better to be accessible to cars going in any direction.

Today’s group, at the intersection of Forest Drive and Route 2, was a textbook example. In these cases I’m often grateful to be several cars back from the light, because they might not get to me, but today I was at the head of the line, one lane over from the median. Of course the lady crossed the lane. I pretended to be listening intently to Ladysmith Black Mambazo, but still had to turn my head slightly in her direction and shake it, just in the interest of human acknowledgment.

I did notice the bucket. It said, in slightly rain-smeared inkjet print, New Life Church. I have never heard of New Life Church. It could stand for anything or nothing. I noticed that all three of the ladies working the intersection had on hausfrau-esque dresses. How could I be sure that New Life Church doesn’t espouse a backward repressive theology requiring all women to wear dresses? On the other hand, it’s entirely possible that their manner of dress reflected the fact that they were all, shall we say, zaftig, and they were wearing what they find the most comfortable. You just don’t know, do you? And should I really care whether the church requires its women to wear ugly dresses if it uses money for a good cause? Perhaps not, but how can one possibly assess whether a)the cause is good, and b)they’re even telling the truth, at a 20 second stoplight?

So there I am subjected to a whole host of unanswerables--Would I approve of their goals? Could I even open my wallet fast enough if I knew I approved, and if I did, would I even have a loose buck? Am I just a stingy curmudgeon who engages in these psychological inner battles to avoid charity? Do I mind if they get plowed down by the impatient dude in the ugly Hummer one lane over? Couldn’t they find a less annoying way to raise funds? And if the answer is “no,” does it therefore make intersection soliciting ok?

I have more or less decided that I don’t drop money into unknown buckets. But the good that the bucket people do--if I should give them any credit for this--is that after I pass a certain critical mass of intersection bucket brigades, my guiltometer reaches the red zone and I send a donation to--for example--the Lighthouse Shelter or Habitat or something. And that is the upside.